I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Quick, to the slutcave!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
