My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
