So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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