I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
