somebody snuck up and got me drunk
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
