This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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