I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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