wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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