If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
