At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
