What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
