i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
