I didn't shave. On purpose
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
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He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
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A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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