gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
