Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
