I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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