i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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