ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
