whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
