she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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