Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
