The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize