i'm signing you up for texting rehab
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
