I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
