Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
