its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
