awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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