Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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