The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
