he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
