Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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