If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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