I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
