I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
