What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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