I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize