Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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