She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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