The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
