You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
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I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
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I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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