I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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