Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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