I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
