I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
