I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
