I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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