Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
