I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
