Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
