Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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