Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
