oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
