Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Randomize
