Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
