Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
