he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
