if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
