I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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