Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
