She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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