Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
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I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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