we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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