I must be too annoying 4 u.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
