(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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