You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
