She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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