I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
