Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
