I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just high enough for therapy.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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