Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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