I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
