I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
