Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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